A few things that have been overwhelmingly evident to me as of recently.
1. A child desperately needs structure and safety. In situations of neglect, divorce or abandonment that deep felt need is shattered and is in need of repair. Do not shut your children out, reach out to them, surround them with trusted mentors and counselors who can help them process through what they are walking through and seek to make things right through humility. Seek to repair broken relationships and find healing in your own life.
2. A child desperately needs their father. There’s something about fathers in the life of a child that is without a doubt one of their deepest needs.
Fathers, invest in your children, look for ways to connect with them. Spend time with them in ways that are meaningful to how they are made. Don’t believe the lie that says, my child doesn’t want to spend time with me or they don’t reach out much to me, so they must not want me around. Trust me, they want you around, keep pursuing them.
3. A child desperately needs their mothers love. Moms, love your children, stand by them, do not abandon them. Your love is what gives them hope and helps shape and form their identity. Just as a Father’s love and investment does.
4. There are a lot of hurting people, who respond out of the wounds that never healed from their childhood. In order to bring healing to their current families dysfunction they must be willing to go back to the place of their wound, seek healing, forgiveness and grace. Until they do, the cycle of abuse, neglect, abandonment, betrayal, etc, continues and is passed down to their children.
5. God can heal, if we choose to go with Him to those hard places and do the work of transformation that needs to take place.
6. Families need lots of love and support. They need grace and forgiveness. Parents need guidance on how to work through difficult seasons in marriage, they need to understand the love of God, so they can chose forgiveness even when its so very hard to do so. We all need to seek to be changed by God. When we give him our hurts and wounds, he can write a new story for us.
7. Do not focus on changing the behavior, focus on seeking the Lord for a change of the heart. Your marriage won’t improve long term if you could just get your spouse to stop their harmful behaviors.. It’s not about changing the outward behavior, because you may get them to stop drinking, looking at pornography, etc, but if their heart hasn’t changed, they’ll find a new vice or go back to the same old one. Pray they would desire a true heart’s transformation, that only the Lord can do. When God changes their heart, as they seek Him, then, their behavior changes and it will be long term change, not a short term fix.
8. Pray with all your might for families. Families are one of God’s primary modes of evangelism. Ask God to bring healing and restoration to family’s. Never celebrate over a family who has chosen to split apart. Always pray for God to bring healing and restoration, in Jesus name. Pray everyone involved would choose to humble themselves so the relationship can be restored.