When Following Jesus Isn’t Fun

as the secrets of their hearts are laid bare….(1 Co 14:25).

I’ve gotta be honest, sometimes I don’t really like being made more like Jesus. It’s not that I don’t want to become more like Him. It’s that the deeper I go with Him the further He goes into the places of my greatest fears and insecurities.

Sometimes I feel tempted to push the pause button on the whole process of sanctification. As those buttons of control and comfort start to get pushed in me it feels safer to get out of it and back into place I’ve always known. The place of my own perceived comfort and safety.

At the depth of this is a lack of trust in God. I think I would be a lot like the Israelites who gathered extra manna for the day because they weren’t sure if God would provide for the following day. I think sometimes, my faith is very small because of my own self-sufficiency and independence.

Jeremiah says, “The LORD is my portion, therefore, I will wait for Him.” (Lam 3:24)

In ancient Israel, the land was everything. The land was the place of safety, comfort, and provision. To not have land would have been a devastating place to be. Yet, Jeremiah says, “The LORD is his portion,” or in other words, “The LORD is my provider.” We do not need the land to meet our needs, but only the LORD. The put this in modern terms, we do not need our bank accounts, jobs, talents, or well planned out life to provide for us. We need only the Lord. Yes, of course, we should be wise in all of these areas, but if we find comfort in them outside of the Lord, do not be surprised when God starts to strip a few away to see what you will do.

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When God starts to take me to those places of discomfort I often feel a sadness in my heart. It is not a sadness birthed from righteousness. It is a sadness birthed from a lack of faith. It is a sadness that comes from a deep place in my heart that wants to be in control. It is a sadness that wants to push God and others to the side to become my own “independent woman.”  Yet, I am also sad that I have found such comfort in life apart from God. Oh Lord, forgive me!

Eve’s sin wrestles within me. The deception of the enemy tries to pervade my soul and my freedom in Christ. He is crafty. He knows what buttons to push, but those who are seated with Christ are free and safe in His promises. I get that in my head, and I long for my heart to be in full agreement with what I know to be true about God.

Oh Lord, you are trustworthy! You are my portion! I will wait for you! Thank you for taking me to these places that are testing my faith in ways I have never been tested. This is a good place because this is the place where you will show off your glory. If I start to run, because I’m afraid, call me back to the place of trust! I long to be made more like Jesus, but sometimes I’m afraid. Forgive me for my lack of faith! Today, I long to sit with your in your promises, in Jesus name, Amen!

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