But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb…..(1 Sa 1:5).
I have spent the majority of my life wanting what I didn’t have. Even today there are times when my mind swims with the thoughts of wanting something other than what has been placed before me. Could it be that our hearts are not content, because we cannot give God control and trust Him with the outcome of our lives?
Do you remember the story of the furious storm in the gospels? Where Jesus is taking a nice little nap at the helm of the boat and the disciples are having a panic attack? Their eyes could only see the storm, they did not see their Lord. They looked to Him in their panic, but they did not do what He was doing in the midst of the storm- resting.
Could it be that God is asking the same of us in this present season? To look for Him and join Him in rest? That maybe there’s a provision of His blessing that He’s waiting to pour out into our hearts if we would stop panicking and start trusting?
I’ve had a few panic attacks with the Lord too. God is taking me through a season where He is setting my hands down and placing my feet up for the purposes of teaching me wisdom. My nature tends to, “take charge and do something about it.” Yet, I feel as though God has shackled my hands and feet, for the purpose of teaching me what it really means to abide in Him. I am thankful for His loving discipline. This could easily turn into a time of waiting for me, if not for His grace that I have found as I lay down my desires to take up His blessing.
Hannah was a woman who was barren, but she was still blessed. I need you to hear that. Many of us live in constant wanting, deep pain and discouragement because we do not like the hand of cards we have been dealt. Therefore, our focus becomes what we don’t have and our vision becomes limited to our present pains and worries. Our self-centered lives become self-focused lives as our deepest concern becomes ourselves.
As a child growing up there was an older man in our congregation who would pass out packets of gum every Sunday after church. I lived with great expectation to receive that gum every week and received it with great joy because I knew it was coming.
The blessing of God comes to those who are expectant. It comes to those whose hands are not grabbing for temporal satisfactions to fill it. It comes to those whose hearts have been made fully alive in places of rest with the Lord Jesus. Could it be that a double portion is there for you too, but your pain has become your comfort and your desolation has become an unhealthy place of security for you? Could it be that you’re so focused on receiving your own blessing that you’ve forgotten the greatest blessing is often found in being one for someone else?
Be expectant today and wait patiently upon the Lord. Come with empty hands before Him and ask for His blessing. Be prepared for Him to fill your hands with something you didn’t expect, but be thankful for HIs provision.
Lord, fill my hands as I empty my heart before you. I long to see you in the land of the living. I long to experience you above all else. Jesus, I want you. May you be my greatest joy as I learn to rest in you, in Jesus name, Amen!