the Pharisees and the teachers of the law began to oppose him fiercely….(Lk 11:53).
The Pharisees had the wrong response to a right rebuke. Jesus could see into their hearts. Many of the Pharisees did their best to keep up with outward appearances. They looked and acted “spiritual,” but their hearts and many of their motivations were far from the heart and purposes of God.
I have lived there. In the place of keeping up with appearances. I have lived a shallow Christian life and believed the lie that says that I need to act like I’ve got it all together otherwise people will see me unfit for Christian service, but that’s like holding a beach ball underwater. It will only stay for so long before it comes rushing to the surface.
Over the past decade of my life, God has been letting the beach balls of my life come bursting forth. Deeply embedded pride, self-righteousness, fear, and insecurities have come rushing to the surface like a blitz on a quarterback.
Years ago as I was sitting in a coffee shop with friends for accountability and prayer a dear friend said to me, “Heather, you only share what is safe. You don’t go to hard places.”…. Excuse me, what? Who, me? Only share safe things? But, I’m a Christian in ministry, I’m not supposed to struggle, I thought to myself.
Oh, how foolish I was. The words of my friend seared deeply into my heart and mind. I knew she was right, but for years I had lived believing that you don’t share brokenness because when you do it’s a sign of weakness. I knew this new journey of sharing my life with people would be difficult and challenging for my beach ball covered heart.
All of us, at certain points in our lives, have a choice to make, will we go with God to the places of our deepest fears, insecurity, and pride or will we cover it up hoping no one will notice? Have you ever done that with a mess? Just throw a blanket on top of it before guests come hoping and praying no one looks under the blanket? I have. This causes me great stress and makes me miss out on the relationships I should be freely investing in because I’m more worried about covering up my mess.
A few years ago I am fairly certain I fractured my pinky, but I didn’t want to go to the doctor for it, so I made my own makeshift cast to solve the problem. I didn’t want to know the truth. I felt like I could handle it on my own. To this day, I do not have the same range of motion in my left pinky as compared to my right, because I lived in denial of the fracture. I didn’t want to go to the doctor to find out that it might have actually been broken. Since I wasn’t honest with myself, my brokenness never healed properly.
Could it be that the revealing of the beach balls of our lives are really God’s grace to show us our brokenness so that we might be made new and receive the Father’s healing? I think so. The longer we live in denial, the longer we will live as Christians who have not healed properly. God will keep trying to break that area of our life until we allow Him to heal it. I know this to be true because He’s done it in my life. Submit yourself to the Father’s healing. He is good and you can trust Him. He wants to make you new.
Lord, you are making me new. Sometimes, it’s painful, but it is for my good. Thank you for making me more like Jesus. Thank you for increasing your love in me. Thank you that even though I am chief of sinners you love me. I place my heart before you today and ask for the healing balm of your love to fill it. Help me to love others today for your glory and not out of my own shallow annoyance. God, I submit my heart, mind, and motivations to you, in Jesus name! Amen!