My Number One Relationship Killer

For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” …(Lk 14:11).

I have this problem in my heart. It has become glaringly obvious to me in recent weeks and months. As God has been taking me on this journey of humility I am being challenged to go to the dark and hard places of my heart that desperately need the love and grace of Jesus to penetrate it. I am seeing in me something I don’t like. It is my own pride. It’s a message in my heart that says to others, “I’m better than you.” I am seeing with clear eyes just how much this message is a relationship killer. I do not want to be led by such pride any longer. I want to be made new.


I received some wisdom from a new friend the other day. He said to me, “Heather, right now your role is to build relationships and trust with people.” I’ll be honest, I was ready to fly in and tell people what to do. I was prepared to do what I thought was best, before building trust with people. Before I showed that I cared about them as a person I was ready and prepared to start telling them what to do.

I have seen this as an issue in my heart for quite some time. The road we walk in humility must become one where we start to die to the old ways of thinking and doing. Our patterns of operation are difficult to break, but nothing is impossible with God. It is the gospel that makes all things new.

Why do we live as the same old broken individuals with Christ as our King, but much of our hearts stuck in the old ways of life before Christ? I think it’s because we have found grace for ourselves and freedom in forgiveness, but we refuse to go to the hard, dark places of our hearts. Going there requires a humility we are unwilling to muster. Going there requires an exposing of our hearts we’d rather hide. The hiding of our hearts only stalls our growth as Christians and causes unneeded carnage upon the relationships we love the most in our lives.

We cannot and never will be able to separate our growth as individuals from our growth with people. The more we grow in humility, the more we grow in grace for others. Therefore, the more our relationships grow. I am seeing within my own heart how my lack of maturity and surrender has kept me from truly loving people. Pray for me as I would for you to truly walk in the love and grace of Jesus for others. I cannot buy His love to insert into my heart, but I can rest in Jesus, knowing that as I submit the darkness of my own pride to Him He sets me free from the old woman.

Pray that I would see others for who they are, not who I can fix. Pray, I would not see others as a problem, but instead, as a person who deserves love, care, and concern. Pray for me, that grace would abound in me all the more. Pray that pride in my heart would die so that Christ might be exalted all the more. I want to be a new and different woman with a capacity to love that goes far beyond anything I have ever practiced before.

Lord, change me. Change my heart. There is still so much pride there. Yet you can make me new. It is your love. Your love Jesus is what I need for others. Please let the old woman in my heart die. Let her die in Jesus name so that you Christ might be lifted up. I want to put others first before my own pride or my need to be right, in Jesus name, Amen.

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