I Chickened Out

you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”… (Luke 19:44).

Yesterday God spoke something very directly to me and I chickened out. I got scared. I feared the thoughts of people and the unknown. I allowed those thoughts and fears to win out over following God in faithfulness. I just stood there, frozen, hoping the word that He was placing in my heart would pass, but it only burned more and more within my Spirit. Wrongfully, I tried to push it out and ignore it away. As I reflect on that moment, I feel like Moses, whom God called to speak before Pharoah, but he said, “Lord, send someone else!” Then gave his list of excuses for why he wouldn’t have been good at it to begin with. I gave the Lord a long list yesterday too.

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The crazy thing is that I had been praying for God to plant a word in my heart for Him. Then He did and I got scared. Maybe you’ve been there too, praying for bold and courageous faith, but when the time comes, your jaw locks up and your fears take over. Years ago I had been praying fervently for an opportunity to share my faith with a dear friend. The opportunity came and I chickened out on that one too. Thankfully, God is tremendously gracious and gave me another opportunity and I shared then.

I’m just being honest, that even those of us who write blogs or speak from time to time still battle, just like you, with being courageous for Jesus. We’re all the same. Just because someone writes, speaks, ministers or leads doesn’t mean they’re some super spiritual person who lives above the rest. Truly, we are all the same. Thankfully, there is grace for those who don’t always get it right. I am living proof of that.

Although I punked out yesterday I don’t want to be like Moses, begging God to send someone else. I want to be like Isaiah, a man who said, “Lord, send me!”

I believe one of the greatest tragedies in modern Christendom is not Christians who sin, but those who live unaware of God. We are all going to struggle against sin, but the greater unawareness we have of God only increases our propensity to follow our own paths. If we never hear from the Father how can we know what He wants? Yesterday I was living proof that even when you hear from God you can live in fear. I wonder though, how many Christians are actually hearing from God?

When do we allow ourselves to sit long enough in silence or in a posture of praise to actually hear from the living God? Could it be that we have conditioned our hearts in such a way to be catapulted by distraction that we never stay in one place long enough for God to plant a seed of His Spirit within us? Why has the world not heard of Christ? Why hasn’t your next door neighbor, co-worker or friend heard about Jesus? I think it’s because we have fed fear and distraction more than the Spirit of God. We don’t know how to hear from God, because we have not trained ourselves for it. I’m still a work in progress though too because I’m learning to feed my faith more than my fear when I hear from God.

What if God’s people started removing distractions and started stepping out in faith? What if His people started living in the fullness of the Spirit? What if God’s people started listening and obeying the voice of God? What if we set aside our fears to take up courage? What then would become of us? Only God knows, but it would be a beautiful sight to see. Yesterday, as God was stirring my Spirit I was afraid of what He wanted to do. He made me uncomfortable because although He was planting something and I knew the direction He wanted me to start I did not know where He wanted me to finish. This is only reveals something about my heart that feared not being in control. Oh Lord, forgive me!

Whenever God plants something in you, trust Him to see through to fruition. Don’t worry about what you don’t know, but praise God that He knows. Live with an awareness of Him so strong that you recognize His voice so clearly that when He speaks you’re certain beyond all else that it’s Him. Then, run with courage for God’s great glory in Jesus name.

Lord, I want to live with courage. I know that your grace covers me from yesterday. Thank you for loving me despite my failures. Thank you that you see me as your beloved. I am free from condemnation. I have been crucified with Christ and I can live in the fullness of your love as you dance over me, in Jesus name, Amen!

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