“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:3)
God is still taking me on this journey where I am awaiting resurrection for the dreams I hold deep in my heart. Daily there are deep longings, pain, and desires that I have to keep surrendering to the Lord Jesus.
I’ve got to be honest, I still question sometimes why God pulled me off the court of full-time youth ministry. I know it was necessary because the circumstances in my life called for a time of rest and healing, but why did those circumstances have to happen? That is the question I sometimes wrestle with. Any time we walk through a hard time we always struggle with the why, but the longer we struggle with why it happened, we’ll never get to the purpose of it. We’ll never see what God is doing and we’ll never learn what God desires for us to learn if we keep holding onto why it happened.
My mind swirls with, but God, we were reaching so many kids, we were doing such great work for your kingdom, why did you pull me out of that place? I hear the Father saying, “Heather, trust me.”
That’s the place where I’m struggling the most. The place in my life where my dreams are dying, every day. I cannot begin to explain to you how painful this is to me. I know you’re walking that road though too. We all have dreams and desires in our hearts. Maybe its to be a parent, get married, see our child happy and healthy, be a youth pastor, teacher or grandparent, you know the dream you have in your heart.
As we die, the Father plants us in His vineyard. It’s there, in His vineyard as we die a thousand deaths that He waters our hearts, and our roots start to grow deeper in His love. Don’t you see, that’s what He longs for most, that we would know Him so deeply that our greatest joy wouldn’t be in what we had or what we want, but simply, being found in His love.
When we find ourselves there, we can experience His love in the truest way possible. We can let Him sing and dance over us as we join our hearts together with Him. It’s in the dancing where our hearts come alive. We think our hearts will come most alive when we get what we want, but truly, life is all about learning to embrace God’s perspective and dying to our own. Then, and only then, as God reshapes our hearts can we find joy in simply being his child.
Lord, I am your child. You are doing a good work in my heart. I know that you will redeem everything in my life that was sent to destroy it. I will be like Joseph who entrusted His life to you in the midst of great persecution. I will be like Paul who did not give up. Who kept sharing the gospel even when the circumstances of His life were terribly difficult. Lord, I trust that you are working all things for your good and I trust in your resurrection to bring them about, in Jesus name, Amen!