and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him….. (Mark 3:19).
I have often wondered how I will be remembered. What will people say about me after I die? What kind of legacy will I leave behind?
Judas was known for being a traitor, someone who turned his back the Lord Jesus. If someone were to write a book about you, what would they say? Would they said, “There goes __________ the faithful servant of God,” or “There goes ___________ the prideful, selfish individual.”
God is taking me somewhere in my heart that is making me die daily to the things that I want. My prayer is that as I die, God will resurrect new life and blessings in my heart, because ultimately, at the end of the day, what matters most is what my Lord sees in me. Just as David was faithful to tend the sheep, God saw His heart and raised him up in His timing.
I want people to say, “There goes Heather, the woman who lived daily for Jesus and not for herself. She was a woman who was caught up in the Lord’s great love for her. She didn’t always get what she wanted, but she had peace, love, and joy, because of the Lord Jesus Christ.” If I could be honest, I think more of what my story might say right now is, “There goes Heather, the woman who complains about her situation being unfair. She’s self-centered and gets angry at the wrong things and people. She thinks a lot about what’s best for her.” This is the old woman in me, she is dying, because of the resurrection power of Jesus.
I think joy in the Lord is about learning to side with God’s no when all we wanted was a yes. Judas couldn’t side with the Lord’s no. He wanted to go His own way and it led him to betrayal.
In the past few months, I have wrestled with God’s ongoing no more than I ever have in my life. I do not understand why He keeps saying no to the things I want, but I know it’s for the purpose of renewing my own heart so that greater fruit can be produced.
Judas let his heart grow cold towards the things of God. He let his own selfish motivations lead him towards betrayal. We are not far from the same kind of heart attitude. In fact, we are more capable of betrayal than a blessing. We must always be on alert within our hearts, because, truly, betrayal is always knocking at our doorstep.
Lord, forgive me. I want people to see you in me, but sometimes the only person who matters is me. Sometimes I get angry with you because you don’t give me what I want. Sometimes following you is a burden to my heart and not a blessing. Jesus, forgive me. I want to be made more like you, so today I die, so that your love might be resurrected in my heart, for your glory, in Jesus name, Amen.