Peacemakers who sow in peace reap the fruit of righteousness…James 3:18
Peace, this is what I long for, to live freely and fully alive in a state of constant steadiness and hope. Peace doesn’t come easy. We must fight for it. Fighting against our own hearts that run towards worry, anxiety, and fear. My own heart loves to be in control. It loves to take the reigns and throw in my own understanding of the situation. I have noticed that when my heart is being led by my idols peace flees and I am now running around, hurrying about in the chaos of anxiety.
I have lived most of my life trying to be in control of it. Trying to make sure it was producing the fruit and results I had hoped for. Much of my life has not been lived out in peace found through the application of wisdom, but in chaos found in my own worried, anxious heart.
God has been administering circumstances that are absolutely crushing that part of my heart. He’s bringing me back to places that I once controlled out of fear. He’s asking me to let go. I’m finding that as I do my mind and heart is being released into the arms of the Father’s love. Some of us never live in the peace of the Father’s embrace, because we never trust Him to take care of us and meet our needs. We fear what might happen or what could be taken from us, so we prioritize our fears over entrusting our lives into the Father’s love.
I did that for years. Now, I’m choosing to let go and trust God with the results. I’m choosing to prioritize things like my own emotional health and spiritual well-being over my own fears. Sometimes, at least for me, I fear that if I let go, God won’t give it back. I fear that if I totally release it to Him that I’ll always live in this place of not getting what I want. I have been so foolish to think that God is like that.
During this season in my life where I have done some major introspection, I am seeing many things in my heart that are not commendable. However, as I allow the Father to crush those things out of me I am seeing Him form in me a new heart, centered on His love. That’s the person I want to be for Him. The one who is found not in what I do, what I build, or what I produce, but who I am, found simply in His love, covered with His peace.
Jesus, I want to be a woman of peace. Sow peace in my heart. I want to wait in your garden, for as I do, you feed me, take care of me and water my heart so that it grows into a beautiful, luscious garden. Let my heart sing for JOY, because I can trust you with all of me. Jesus, I trust you, Amen.