Sometimes I Feel Like a Failure to God

but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy….(Proverbs 28:13).

Sometimes I feel like a failure to God, a disappointment in His eyes, because of my struggles against sin. I’ll beat myself up and condemn my own self. Yet, this is not the way God treats me, truly, “He does not treat us as our sins deserve.” (Psalm 103:10). He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in loving devotion.” (Psalm 103:8)
He is full of mercy, for people like me, who don’t always get it right. A person, like me, still being made into HIs image. Who still struggle against the old self, but desperately want to put on the new self which is being created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness, (Eph 4:24) Oh, how I long to experience the mercy of God in my life. I am learning though, that in order to truly understand His mercy, I must receive it for my life. All of His mercy for a sinner like me.
I just cannot get over the thought that God loves me. Truly, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. What an overwhelming thought. Could there be anything more beautiful than the love, grace, and mercy of God? Why then do we not allow ourselves to receive it fully? Why do we believe ourselves to be undeserving? I think its because, in our human experience, we rarely experience things like mercy. We believe the lies that plague our hearts and minds trying to convince us that our acceptance before God is really based on how good we can be for Him.
Yet, God’s mercy is like a flower in the field of my heart. He plants it and waters it, allowing it to grow into a flourishing, beautiful plant. I need only receive it and all the Father’s love to nourish what’s been planted in my heart. The enemy tries to convince us that we are undeserving, attempting to ruin the garden of God’s love being planted within our hearts. Today, I want to sit in God’s garden, being surrounded by HIs grace and mercy for my life. For an undeserved sinner like me.
Lord, sometimes I just can’t get over the thought that you love me. Show me today your love and mercy. I long to receive if for my life. I want to be made into your image. I want to sit in the garden of your love. Thank you for not treating me as my sins deserve, in Jesus name, Amen.

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