I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat…. (Mark 8:2).
Jesus sees your need. He really does. Sometimes, I wish Jesus would fill my needs faster. Sometimes I wonder if He’s really listening. Then there are other moments, when I start to become overwhelmed by my present circumstances, getting angry with what’s not happening in my life the way that I want it to.
I see injustices and center my thoughts and attention on only what I can see in front of me, instead of what God is doing through them. I don’t listen well to Jesus, because I can’t see Him in the crowd of my thoughts. Since my thoughts are so busy, overwhelmed with things like anger, discouragement, and exhaustion, I cannot see His hand of provision or where’s He’s leading me because I keep getting tripped up by the hand that’s not feeding me the way I want it to.
Sometimes Jesus doesn’t answer our prayers the way we want Him to. We have to stop going to that hand, outside of God’s provision. Obviously, it’s not the way He wants to feed us.
True, life-giving sustenance comes to us from His word. That sounds so simple doesn’t it, but somedays I have to fight for it. As we feast with Him in daily fellowship we find that what matters most in our lives is not what we can receive to fill all wishes and wants, but what we find In His love.
I keep asking Jesus for a handout, but He just wants to hold me. Can I be really honest, that sometimes, that’s not what I want. I want His blessing, but not His presence. Sometimes, in my own sinful heart, His presence for me just isn’t enough. I want more of what I want and believe my life to be insufficient without it.
I know what you’re thinking, life feels so unfair, so, therefore, your natural inclination is to believe that God is unfair too. I can relate, but it’s in these moments that we must recognize these thoughts are quite simply lies sent from the enemy of our souls, sent to discourage us from finding our greatest joy in simply being a child of God.
Honestly, though, there are moments when I think to myself that if I simply sit in His presence He’ll forget to provide for me the things I’ve been asking Him for. Yet, God loves to shower His children with good gifts. So as much as my heart wants to rebel against it, I’ll sit in the presence of my Father today, knowing that the best place for me to be is in His presence.
Lord, there are days like today when I just feel like throwing up my hands. These are the days when I just feel like giving up. When pursuing you feels too hard, because I’m not getting things in my timing or in the way I want, so today I repent of my prideful attitude. I release any anger that is unrighteous and I entrust my life to you. Truly, you see and know all. Life is messy, but you are good. Today, I want to sit in your presence, knowing that I am your child, in Jesus name, Amen.