Self Condemnation: When I am My Own Worst Enemy

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus….(Romans 8:1).

I beat myself up more often than I care to admit. This morning I had a picture in my mind of my own self with a pair of boxing gloves on, hitting my own self, over and over again. Then, Jesus stepped in and started taking the punches for me, until I crumbled in exhaustion into His arms.
There are times when I live in this place where the person deserving of the greatest amount of punishment is my own self. Sometimes, there, in that place, I expect it. I expect God to punish me for every little slip-up and every little-misspoken word. I start to fear what’s coming around the corner. I rarely anticipate a blessing, but often expect something bad to happen in my life. In fact, I don’t just expect, I believe I deserve it. There are times when I just cannot give myself grace. There are moments when I view God not as someone who gives grace, but someone who pours constant judgment into my life.
I long to see Him as a loving Father who showers grace upon HIs children, but sometimes I get stuck in this place where His plans for me are not good, but instead, my heart clings to things like fear, condemnation, and judgment. I think my problem is that I have dined at the table of condemnation too long with the devil. Allowing Him to speak HIs words of judgment over me.
Maybe you’ve been there too when the lies of the devil start to penetrate your heart so deeply that you start to actually believe they are true. Maybe its because in our human experience we don’t experience grace very often and so instead of expecting to receive it we fully expect God to be like the ones who have punished us with their lack of grace.
Today, I want to lean back into the grace of a God who loves me. Truly, He is for me. He does not love to condemn. He loves to shower grace.
Lord, today I will sit under a shower of your grace. I am in need of it. I sit far too long at the table of judgment and condemnation. I keep begging you to forgive me, sometimes, because I’m afraid you’re going to punish me if I don’t come begging. Oh Lord, I want to see you differently and experience the warmth of your embrace for my life today! Wrap me in the power of your grace today, in Jesus name, Amen.

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