even at night their minds do not rest….(Ecc 2:23).
Have you ever had nights where you can’t sleep as you’re being plagued by thoughts seeking to steal your joy and contentment?
Last night was one of those nights for me. It wasn’t that I was in a place of deep, overwhelming anxiety, but thoughts of worry kept trying to weasel their way into my heart and mind. Thoughts seeking to trap me in a place where I can’t trust God because I keep asking, “what if.”
I sense that God is moving in my life, but I’m hesitant to go with Him on what He’s doing. I’m hesitant because so many questions arise in my heart and mind. I question Him because it feels like it will be a direction that leaves me trapped somewhere where I won’t be able to experience all the things I desire. Truth is, there is no way for me to know this, and worrying about it certainly won’t solve any of my problems.
There is this place I feel like God is taking me and it’s requiring me to practice humility because quite honestly the thoughts that keep flashing across my mind are really just thoughts that are prideful because I question if this direction will be able to allow me the limelight that my sinful heart desires. Ouch, that’s hard to admit, but it’s true.
Most of my life this past year and a half has been a journey of dying. Dying to sinful patterns of behavior. Dying to my own idea of success. Dying to what I want, so that I can give God more control in my life. I always told God I would go anywhere and do anything that He asked of me, but I’m struggling to do it because I question whether or not it really will be best for my own self. Quite frankly, all of this is motivated by my ego. Oh, Lord, forgive me.
I’m not sure what keeps you up at night, but be reminded that God is trustworthy. Truly, He is in control. He sits on the throne. We need not worry or fret. We can know, with full assurance that God is working all things together for the good of those who love Him. As we die to our own need to play God and seek to capture control of our lives we can rest safe and secure in the hands of our maker whose plans are trustworthy and whose heart is for us.
Lord, today I release all control to you. Forgive me for my pride. I know that it runs deep in me, but your love runs deeper in my heart and mind, because of Jesus. Today I thank you that I can live in the victory that Jesus offers me through the cross. I thank you that I am more than a conqueror through you who love me. I thank you, God, that you sit on the throne. I trust you. I submit to you and I lay down my pride before you today, in Jesus name, Amen.