and they used them to buy the potter’s field, as the Lord commanded me.” …. (Matt 27:10).
I know it doesn’t always feel like God is in control, especially when life starts spinning out of control. Yet, He is by all accounts, Lord over all. This is hard for us to understand when things in life go awry and curve ball after curve ball gets thrown at us.
I can recall a time, not long ago, when it felt like my life was spinning out of control. I was angry, confused and heartbroken. Life just stopped working and there was no sense in trying to make any sense of it. I recognized at that moment I had two places to land my heart. I could bury it in my pain and anger or I could rest it in the arms of my heavenly Father.
I chose to set my heart into the arms of my loving Father, even though life made no sense at all. Yes, there were moments and days where I struggled against anger and spent more of my time demanded justice from God then silencing my heart before Him. In the end, I realized that the Lord is King over all the universe and although the waiting was long, arduous and painful it taught me so much about myself and the Lord.
You see, I believe now that sometimes things have to die in our lives so that God can resurrect them with His new grace. For a long time, day after day, I had to deal with this deep longing and deep pain in my soul. Each day felt like another death, but you see, there were some things in me that needed to die.
I had to submit my issues with control, fear and worry to the Lord. As I did, I experienced the painful death of dying, but now I am seeing the fruit of a woman who for so long felt like her heart kept being put on the altar. You see, it was for my good that I placed myself up there. It kept me humble. It helped me fix my gaze upon the life-giver and life-sustainer. It forced me to stay low, trust God and wait upon Him.
Now, I am so convinced that the altar is good for my heart and soul that I long to place myself upon it. I know, that as I die, God will bring about HIs best kind of fruit in me, so today, I’m choosing to die to my past and my present issues so that God can resurrect new fruit in me, for His great name.
Lord, here I am, all of me. I am but a beggar at the door of your mercy, ready and prepared to myself a sacrifice before you. I have nothing to offer you expect for the love that you have already poured into my heart. Lord, I lay my life before you today, in Jesus name, Amen.