rebuild the house of God on its site.’….(Ezra 5:15).
Not long ago someone said to me, “Heather, you need to be prepared to rebuild your life and start over.” Because of the circumstances in my life, it was a possible reality. I knew in order to not get myself in a place of starting over, I had to go back into my past and start rebuilding what had been demolished by sin, anger, and abuse.
There’s a place in many of our hearts that needs to be rebuilt. However, instead of going back to that hard place, we’ve convinced ourself that it’s better and safer to keep that place locked away.
It is hard to go back to the places in our lives where we were deeply wounded by something or someone. It’s much easier to run from it, bury it and try and pretend like it never happened. Yet, when we do this, we allow things like anger and bitterness to take root behind locked cages within our hearts towards that person or situation.
I can’t tell you how many times I have done this is in the past to avoid conflict or something my fear told me might happen. But, you see, the Lord took me on such a deep journey in my life that in many ways I had no other option than to face some real issues and hurt in my life head-on. I knew that, on all accounts, there were two things awaiting me- bitterness and resentment, and I couldn’t let those things get stored away in my heart. I had to face my issues head-on if I was really going to be free.
You may make the hard decision of seeking someone’s forgiveness only to find that they ignore you, push you to the side or cut you out of their life. This has happened to me, so I understand the pains that brings. Yet, I have been reminded time and time again on this journey that what matters most is how we conduct ourselves before others and before the Lord. I have to take care of my issues and struggles against sin. God will deal with others. We need to be humble enough to see our own sin in the matter so that we personally can move forward in freedom.
You see, I am learning that I am most effective, not on a platform, but in caring for people, just like me, who are in need of God’s daily grace. In order to live like that, I must be willing to go back to where I’ve been hurt or where someone has hurt me to start rebuilding what sin tried to destroy.
Lord, I want to love people. That’s really it. I know for far too long I’ve made life about me, my hurts, my agenda, my needs, etc, but I want to live differently. I want to be like Jesus. Please transform my heart through the power of your great love, in Jesus name, Amen.