Is God Punishing Me?

Let the temple be rebuilt as a place to present sacrifices, and let its foundations be laid…(Ezra 6:3).

Have you ever struggled with the thought that your life will never be the same and that God is punishing you over and over and over again? Like, maybe His love tank for you ran out and so now His only modus operandi is to continually discipline and bring judgment down upon you?
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I’ve been there, struggling with those thoughts that try to steal my heart and mind away from the love of God and into a place of despair and hopelessness.
 
I believe it is wise to live with a healthy fear of God, but we should never think that God wishes only to punish or discipline us. Truly, even with His discipline is His hand of love and grace.
 
I had to walk through a season of waiting where it just seemed like one disappointing thing after another kept happening and this thought kept flashing across my mind. “Lord, am I sinning, is this my fault? Is there some sin in my life I’m being disciplined for that I am not aware of? Am I being punished still for some sin I repented of long ago?”
 
I came to realize that how I view my circumstances is really all about what I see. I can choose to see the grace that was provided for me daily or the fact that I’m not getting what I want. I’ll be honest, it was hard for me to see the grace of God, even though it was so present in the midst of waiting. I kept focusing on the no of God instead of the grace that was available for me each day. It was hard for me to give myself the grace that was offered to me through the hands of my loving Father.
 
You see, the waiting was good because it humbled me. There was long term work the Father was doing in my short term pain. Now, I have reached a point where I am so done with me, that I can’t imagine going back to the person I once was. My heart feels so thankful, even for the smallest of things. Now, I don’t need as much as I used once did to find satisfaction and purpose in life.
 
That’s why when the Lord provided this new job for me, I was excited, but honestly, over this past year and a half, I had already received the greatest gift. That gift is the love of God in the person of Jesus, who met me in my darkest and deepest hours of need. I came to realize that no job, title or accomplish could compare with the simple fact that I am a child of God. Truly, that is my greatest purpose and my greatest joy in life.
 
Lord, you are so good to your children. I am loved by you. What a joy and what a gift! Truly, it is the greatest of all gifts! Thank you for working in my life in ways that I cannot even begin to describe. You are such a mighty God. Thank you for loving me with an everlasting, all sustaining love. Thank you for showering your gifts of love and grace upon me these past few months. You are so good and all I can do is praise you, in Jesus name, Amen.

4 thoughts on “Is God Punishing Me?

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