Sometimes…People Expect Me to Be Perfect….So Then I Start to Feel Like a Disappointment​ to God

But Moses said to the LORD, “Since I speak with faltering lips, why would Pharaoh listen to me?”….(Exodus 6:30).

Have you ever felt like a total failure to God? Like maybe He was done with you or you’ve had one too many screw ups for the God of the universe to want to use you for Kingdom work? I’ve felt that way before.
 
There was a time in my life when the enemy and others kept speaking shameful messages into my heart. Messages that spoke loud and clear that my mess ups were not acceptable. I was made to feel stupid and incompetent. It was so oppressive. Wrongfully, I started to think that maybe I was stupid. Maybe I was incompetent and unwise. Maybe I just wasn’t cut out for certain things, because I didn’t always meet the expectations of others.
 
I am so glad that is not how God treats us though. Truly, He is full of mercy and grace. If there was anyone whom God should have given up on for his lack of faith and screw-ups, it was Moses. Moses, at nearly every turn as God called him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, questioned God’s ability to work through him. He doubted that God could use someone with deep insecurities and fears like him.
 
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You see, God loves to put our insecurities on display so that He can show off His power in our lives to work through them. Moses had some kind of speech impediment, but God challenged him, time and time again to go before Pharoah and speak to him. You see, it wasn’t Moses words that were important or the way that he said them. Moses didn’t understand that. He kept focusing on himself and his fears and God kept asking him to go to the place he feared the most and trust Him. Maybe someone told Moses that because of his speech impediment he should just stay quiet and not embarrass himself.
 
I am so sorry if someone has said something similar to you. It’s easy to focus on our insecurities and the parts about us that aren’t perfect, but all God is looking for is someone who is simply willing to be used of Him. He fills in the rest of the gaps with His mercy. Don’t let someone shame you into silence. If they have, just know its an insecurity and fear in their own heart that keeps them from practicing grace. Your heavenly Father uses screw ups every day. He doesn’t give up on you and your story is still being written. Let God write a new story of grace for you and don’t let others put you in a place of shame, Jesus sets you free from that.
 
Lord, truly, you use people with insecurities, fear and everything in between. Moses was willing, but he was also afraid. I totally get that. I live in that place sometimes too. Lord, I want to live in your confidence and in your fullness. Let my life be a testimony to the world of your mercy. Your mercy that uses messy people, just like me, Amen.

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