It Took Me A Long Time To Really Trust God

They all ate and were satisfied…(Matt 15:37)….

A number of years ago in my early 20’s I was deeply unsatisfied in my life. I kept begging God for a husband, but He was making me wait. Since I didn’t want to wait I would take matters into my own hands. I just didn’t trust God, so I frantically sought to fill my needs, in my way, fully expecting God to be OK with it.
 
My stubborn rebellion only revealed a deep fear and insecurity in my own life. It showed an erroneous thought I had about God. One that was not true of who He was at all. Ultimately, what I was saying to God through my actions was, “I don’t trust you. I don’t think you want to give good gifts to me, so I’ll take it from here because I don’t think you’re going to bless me like I want to be blessed.” As you can imagine this sent my life tumbling down a very tumultuous path. Which in the end led to a great humbling in my life. It wasn’t until I fully surrendered my singleness to the Lord, after being deeply humbled by Him that I found true contentment in knowing that God was calling the shots and that was a good thing.
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As the disciples come before the Lord in the feeding of the 4,000 He simply asks them to bring Him what they have. Once they do, Jesus multiplies it as they trust Him to provide for them. In the end, all were satisfied because they ate from the provision of the Lord.
 
Maybe we all need to hear that today. We all need to fully embrace and understand that from the hand of the Lord comes great blessing. We simply give Him what we have and He multiplies it. Maybe we have nothing to offer Him, but a tattered and worn heart, but you see this is where His beauty can come undone within us as we learn to submit ourselves to His great love. He multiplies our little and fills us with the greatness of His love.
 
What we don’t need is all that we have begged God for in our life. What we need is to learn contentment and peace as we eat from HIs hand. Only then will we truly be satisfied in this life. You see, I am most effective for God, when my heart is full and satisfied and when I am not wanting. When I am full and content I can rest knowing that He is a loving Father who wishes to shower good gifts upon His children. Then, I can wait for Him to make things happen, because I’m done trying to call the shots.
 
Lord, I surrender to you because I have foolishly tried to provide for myself. This has never gone well. I have always been humbled immensely. Father, forgive me for my stubbornness. I want to be like you. May my heart rest content in your love, I pray, in Jesus name, Amen.

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