I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses… (2 Cor 12:5).
There are some days as I write when a small voice in my mind says, “Don’t hit send Heather, what you’re about to share is too transparent and too vulnerable.” I’ve realized in those moments, but what I’m really trying to do is simply protect my self image before others.
If there is anything I have learned in this life it’s that I am at my very best when I am transparent, humble and living self-sacrificially. If I live in my own mind where I am concerned most about me and soothing my own worries and fears I am sure to hurt people and distance myself from grace. The kind of life-changing grace that connects me to people and bonds me to the love of God.
It’s through this kind of love that I can grow in humility and love for others. It’s only through boasting in my weakness that I find my strongest self through Christ.
For many years I lived as an indepedent woman. Someone who was strong and self-assured and a bit over confident. Then, everything was stripped from me and I was laid bare before the Lord. My independence was taken from me and my pride obliterated.
It’s easy in those moments to hide in our messes and bury ourselves under them. Either feeling like a failure or trying to cover it up so we can still look good to other people. I decided to let my mess become my message. The message of what God has done in my life. A broken sinner, saved by grace, who is being made into the image of Jesus through His love, power and sustaining grace. Once I started broadcasting my weakness I found a greater joy knowing that It was ok to not always have life all together.
For a performance junkie like me this was a hard lesson for me to learn and embrace, but once I did it changed everything. It changed my heart, mind and motivations. Living life so transparent became less scary, because I learned how to die to my need to find my worth in my performance.
Be reminded that living in your weakness is a beautiful thing. Don’t fear it, embrace it, trust me, God will use it to bring you into deeper relationship with others and with Himself.
Lord, I want to be a woman who lives in her weakness. I know that I am deeply insecure at times. I still wrestle with doubt and pride at times, so please, Jesus, be my strength, joy and victory, Amen.