and the wife must respect her husband….. (Eph 5:33).
Yesterday, the many times when I wanted to speak, the Lord told me, “Heather, keep your mouth closed. Your husband has what it takes.”
As I sat there for two hours in the AutoZone parking lot with my husband as he struggled and wrestled through hooking up a converter on the truck and trailer we were borrowing something inside of me kept saying, “He’s going to figure this out.”
Since I know my husband, I know how much grit he has when it comes to figuring things out he’s never done before. I’ve watched him strain and struggle through multiple projects around the house as he’s put his very best towards accomplishing something so frustrating that most people would have given up and given in. I know I would have given up on that truck and trailer yesterday. But, my husband didn’t and at that moment, my role to play was as his helpmate, lifting him up and supporting him, allowing him to just do his thing.
Sometimes, as wives, and just as people in general, we get in the way of letting people figure things out and be who God has created them to be. We feel the need to insert our own “help” or opinion and end up discouraging them instead of uplifting them. It’s hard for us to sit on the ground at AutoZone for two hours, saying nothing, but “how can I help?” It’s a whole lot easier to say, “Just give up, this thing just isn’t going to work.” But, doesn’t that speak to a man that he doesn’t have what it takes? Every man needs to know, whether it’s his wife, mother, friend or sister, that he has what it takes.
There came a moment when my husband said, “I just can’t do this. I’m done. I don’t know what to do.” And for the first time, I felt the Lord’s grace to say to him, “You did your very best.” It would have been so easy to say, “I’m really disappointed. Now how are we going to pick up all that furniture?”
Don’t you see, so much of life isn’t about getting things the way we want it, like furniture on the day we were hoping to pick it up. It’s about coming alongside people, supporting, loving and encouraging them to become their very best in how God has shaped and wired them. Sometimes, that means supporting people through struggle and failure. It means that we must always be willing and prepared to say, “I’m still so proud of you and I still believe in you,” and show it through our words and actions.
Trust me when I say that I have not always been this wife. In fact, I’ve been the exact opposite. It took me a long time to figure out how to truly listen to the Lord and keep my mouth shut. Now, because of it, I got to see the Lord work through my husband as I learned to take a back seat and play the life-giving role of an encourager. Thankfully, my husband didn’t give up but kept plowing forward and finished the job. I knew he would.
Lord, help us all to be people who lift one another up and now tear each other day. Help us not to speak discouraging words when it could be so easy to do. Forgive us when we make life all about us. Help us now to have grace for our loved ones and to be their support system, in Jesus name, Amen.