They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way… (Mk 10:32).
The Lord has been teaching me how to slow down and listen to His voice. For many years I would run ahead of God with all of my great ideas. I mostly did this out of fear and an unhealthy need to have something to show for myself.
As someone new in ministry I was afraid that if I didn’t have all these things to show for myself others would consider me ineffective and replaceable, so I did my best to have something to show for myself with the hopes that others would be impressed by my “work for God.”
This left me exhausted, drained and defeated. Quite honestly, I would start things I never should have pursued, because I never really bathed them in prayer to begin with. I didn’t really know how to listen to the Lord and wait upon Him because listening wasn’t a daily practice for me.
Making things happen was the only thing I knew how to do, so that’s what I did. Waiting is not something that is part of my nature, so instead of allowing God to reshape me, I operated out of what I had always known. Which only added more unhealthiness into my life as I pursued one thing after another.
Now, I long for Jesus to “lead the way.” I’m so tired of walking down paths that my insecurity tries to convince me to follow that I want nothing more than to hear directly from the Lord and follow after Him.
Abba, thank you for your love. Thank you that you take women like me and transform me. Thank you that I don’t have to operate any longer out of fear or a need to perform. Thank you that I can trust in your daily grace, in Jesus name, Amen.