Elijah was afraid and ran for his life…. (1 Kings 19:3).
Sometimes it feels better to die than face our deepest fears and present pain. I’ve been there, in such deep lament that it seemed like going to be with the Lord was a much better alternative than what I was currently facing. If I could be quite honest though, in those seasons in life, my longing to be with the Lord was not because I was resting in Him. It was because I was living in panic, unrest, and isolation.
You see, that’s what fear does if we hang onto it long enough. It wraps us around its divisive little finger, attempting to make us believe that what we fear the most will become our reality. Instead of facing our fears and moving forward with courageous perseverance, it feels better to lie still in our safe places and wait for the storm to pass.
But sometimes, the storm doesn’t pass, we just stay there in the midst of it, trying to control it through our own pithy attempts to manipulate it and others involved. Maybe that’s just been me, the woman who seeks to manipulate so that she can feel better. Yet, my manipulation only offers me a temporal fix from my overwhelming and isolating fears.
I feel fear trying to creep into my heart and mind in this present season. It’s this voice of defeat and discouragement. I hate that voice, but sometimes, in my weakness, I allow its whisper to echo through my heart and soul. What I need more in this present season is rest, but you see, that’s the very thing I’m fighting against because rest has never been something that I’ve valued. I’ve always, wrongfully valued the things that I’ve produced with my life. Those things have made me feel like I have significance.
Now, the Lord is asking me to make tiny deposits of grace, over a long season where fruit might not show itself for quite some time. However, I’m learning that even in this season of resting, fruit is indeed being produced in my life as I learn to let go of things like fear, vanity, deep selfishness and a need to perform.
Sometimes God asks us to go with Him into the places we fear the most, over and over again, because after all, didn’t we ask to be made like Jesus? If you’re fighting the journey, don’t get discouraged, sit still and rest deeply in your Father’s love. Fear truly is a liar that wishes only to take your life and spin it into unbelief. But, with God, all things are indeed possible, even walking forward into your deepest fears.
Lord, thank you. Thank you that I have you and your grace in every season. Shower your love and your grace upon me, I pray, in Jesus name, Amen.